Thursday, December 22, 2005

saved by the angel

Do you believe in 'angel'?

mixed feeling. I can't say....
never struck on my mind.

but that day, I think the angel was with us.

hari yang terus rintik, Berkeley menjadi sendu. setelah perjalanan panjang dari satu kereta ke kereta berikut, sampai juga kita di UC Berkeley. tapi kita tetap riang dan tertawa dan bercanda. hujan boleh tidak berhenti, but holiday goes on..... our feet need space!

brokeback mountain... adalah cinta mendayu yang membuat kita lupa waktu pulang. oh gosh! we had to wait the 12.25 train! waiting is boring. we have to make it fun then....
singing is the answer.... malaika, nakupenda malaika.... (I don't know the right spelling of this swahili song) means: angel, I love you angel. on and on....

malas jalan kaki, membuat kita tergoda stop di Palo Alto dan menunggu bis. malas adalah jahanam.... kenapa sih malesssss??? we had to wait another hour! karena dengan imutnya engga ngecek jadwal. what's next? malaika, nakupenda malaika.....

ketika bis datang, that's an amazing experience. never happened to me before. bus was full of..... homeless! who were cuddling their big bag and had goodnight sleep and happiest face and special smells. and us? we were stunning, speechless and dag dig dug.... but only me and ajeng I think... the others were sooo sleepy....

Hollywood store...hollywood store... where are you?? ini patokan jalan menuju rumah ony di mountain view. I hate you hollywood , I hate you. you made me rushed and stupid. I didn't know why.... that's a wrong stop or we had a block mind. for summary, we had lost! we didn't know where we were. adrenalin naik lahhhh..... sunyiiiiii. calling and calling and confused. at the end we chose to walk and walk and walk. didn't know how many miles. we saw a cab, tried to stop but it went away. walk and walk and sad. then, that funny (but sometimes scary) guy who taught us that malaika song called.... asking and telling standard and (we thought) stupid things.

but, you know what? his funny and stupid questions made me turned around.... and there was yellow blinking car coming in the middle of nowhere !! it's a cab!!

happy ending. we're saved by our malaika.... our angel

jul-dec 05

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Santa and the reindeer




How does Santa look like?

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot
his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot
he looked like a peddler just opening his pack
his eyes -- how they twinkled!
his dimples how merry!
his cheeks were like roses,
his nose like a cherry!
his droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
and the beard of his chin was as white as the snow
the stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
he had a broad face and a little round belly
that shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly
he was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf

and how about the reindeer?

There are 8 tiny reindeer
their names are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen

as dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
so up to the house-top the coursers they flew

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

taken from 'The night before Christmas' by Clement Moore

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Nuansa bening

(Keenan Nasution)

oh tiada yang hebat dan mempesona
ketika kau lewat di hadapanku
biasa saja

waktu perkenalan terjalin sudah
ada yang menarik pancaran diri
terus mengganggu
mendengar cerita sehari-hari
yang wajar tapi tetap mengasyikkan

kini terasa sungguh
semakin engkau jauh
semakin terasa dekat
akan tumbuh kembangkan
kasih yang kau tanam
di dalam hatiku

oh tiada kejutan pesona diri
pertama kujabat jemari tanganmu
biasa saja
masa perkenalan lewatlah sudah
ada yang menarik bayang-bayangmu
tak mau pergi
dirimu nuansa-nuansa ilham
hamparan laut tiada bertepi

menatap nuansa-nuansa bening
tulusnya doa bercinta

Our song-forEVER...

Old habits die hard

(Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart)

I thought I shook myself free,
you see, I bounce back quicker than most,
but I'm half delirious, it's too mysterious,
you walk through my walls like a ghost.


And I take everyday at a time,
I'm proud as a lion in his lair,
now there's no denying it, and no decrying it,
you’re all tangled up in my head.


Old habits die hard, old soldiers just fade away,
old habits die hard, hard enough to feel the pain.


We haven't spoken in months,
you see, I've been counting the days,
I dream of such humanities, such insanities,
I'm lost like a kid and I'm late.


But I've never taken your calls,
you see, I put the block on my phone,
I act like an addict, I just got to have it,
I never can leave it alone.


Old habits die hard, old soldiers just fade away,
old habits die hard, harder than November rain.
Old habits die hard, old soldiers just fade away,
old habits die hard, hard enough to feel the pain.


And I can't give you up, can't leave you alone,
and it’s so hard, so hard, and it’s hard enough to feel all the pain.


SOnG of tHe yeAr..... Jul-05

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Go on, teaching me about men and women

Hai, hai,

Pernahkah kamu berpikir tentang persentase sifat feminin dan maskulin dalam dirimu?
Memang, apa pentingnya, apa gunanya?
Ehmm, apa ini malah jadinya berkaitan dengan masalah jender yang tidak perlu?
Begitukah?

Beberapa minggu yang lalu, temanku menyelenggarakan sebuah diskusi tentang 'Women Wave'. Begini sebagian cuplikannya:

We are living in an environment where masculine power is valued, which is the quality of men. Living in such an environment where men power is valued we are trying to act like men, taking place of the man and destroying the possibility of harmonious contact. What is the function of woman? What is her power?

Rasanya memang benar kalau dunia ini masih mengagungkan masculine power. Tapi, aku tidak memandang maskulinitas sebagai sebuah hal yang dapat merusak harmoni. But anyway, I don't really care about that sentence, it's all about relativity for me.

Bagiku yang menarik adalah kalimat selanjutnya, kalimat pertanyaan itu. Aku tidak punya saudara kandung laki-laki. Kakak-kakakku perempuan. Bapak, walaupun dibesarkan dalam lingkungan yang patriarkis, tapi sama sekali tidak patriarkis. Di rumah, memang ada peran yang berbeda antara bapak dan mami. Peran yang memang diasosiasikan dengan peran fungsional laki-laki dan perempuan. Namun, di saat tercipta perubahan kondisi, bapak dengan sendirinya menjalankan peran yang sehari-hari bukan perannya. Misalnya, mencuci baju dan memasak.

Aku tidak suka mendikotomi peran. Tidak suka mengatakan ini pekerjaan perempuan, itu pekerjaan laki-laki. Aku sebal ketika berada di lingkungan patriarkis yang memungkinkan laki-laki untuk duduk-duduk, ngopi, makan enak.... tapi tak ingat bahwa semua itu bukan sulap. Apalagi tak ingat untuk berterimakasih dan menghargai.

Aku bersekolah di sekolah perempuan yang bagiku mengondisikan kemandirian dan meniadakan ketergantungan (salah satunya pada laki-laki). Menjauhkan anganku dari cita-cita romantis mendapatkan 'gentlemen'. Membuatku menertawakan simbol-simbol materialistik sebagai ungkapan cinta.

Pada intinya, aku menjauhkan diri dari pemikiran tentang pemisahan peran, baik yang bersifat mentalitas maupun fisikal. Karena bagiku, semuanya bisa sama. Hmm kecuali hal yang berkaitan dengan perkara biologis.

Kembali pada diskusi Woman wave, kembali pada pertanyaan tentang sisi feminin dan pemberdayaannya. Menarikku berkontemplasi sejenak tentang diriku sendiri. Selama ini - bagiku - peran apa, sifat apa, seharusnya bisa ada di dalam aku. Tergantung diriku sendiri. Tapi apa sebenarnya sisiku? Dulu sekali, dulu, kemarin, saat ini, selanjutnya? Let me feel it then....


"To begin with - let’s not ignore our sex. If we do not realize the woman within us, we will not be able to understand her properly." (Djyldyz Kydyrova, Nov 21, 05)

Jul-dec 05